They are sourced from various Press articles and show how stupid people are in making their excuses.



  • But I'm a child of God
  • I thought I was a child until I was 21 - An adult travelling with a child ticket


  • Don’t you know who I am?


  • Do I need a ticket? I thought the railway was free.
  • I've never paid before so I don't see why I should pay now


  • I thought by hiding in the luggage rack you wouldn’t see me
  • If the ticket man doesn’t see me then I don’t need one.


  • I’m a freeman of the land, I don’t recognise the law and the law does not apply to me.
  • I'm a part-time police officer, so I don't have to pay.
  • I didn't hear the conductor asking if I needed a ticket; I was asleep/had my headphone on/was looking out the window
  • I didn't realise it wasn't a first class ticket - excuse made on Dec 11 2015 on a train out of Waterloo[1]
  • I didn’t think you would accept my fare
  • I fell through the door and landed on a seat


  • My uncle is the line manager here (said to the line manager)
  • I bought a ticket earlier, but I've lost it
  • I don't need a ticket as I'm getting a lift back


  • My mum’s got my ticket and we buried her this morning.


  • You are a public service and I paid my taxes, now you are looking more money
  • My mum/dad have paid for my ticket at the other end


  • I’m related to the Queen so I don’t need a ticket.


  • But I'm from Sevenoaks
  • My brother is a solicitor and you will be in big trouble
  • I am only travelling one stop


  • "Train companys are worse than fuckin police" David, 28. Hannah: "Sup huni?" David: "Fined me cos no ticket but not my fault had no money!"[2]


  • I thought it was still 2011. (Student with out-of-date card)
  • I thought it was free on a Sunday
  • I just bought this ticket before I got on the train, your machines must be wrong" (Customer with out-of-date ticket)


  • There was no toilet paper in your toilet, so I had to use the ticket[3]
  • I only got on the train to use the toilet and it left while I was in there.


  • What’s a ticket?
  • The bloke told me last week to buy a ticket, but this week I forgot
  • The guy at the station said you don't need tickets for these trains


  • I’m in the Zimbabwean SAS, on covert ops.


  1. @Suburban_Jogger Twitter Dec 11 2015
  2. @FBmeltdown on Twitter, Jun 11 2013
  3. Fare dodger 'used train ticket as toilet paper', BBC 2013 Oct 3